a practice in futility

In an attempt to determine whether it is possible for me to motivate and discipline myself, I am trying to write on my blog every day for the next 30 days.

It's not just me who is unable to motivate me. It's rare that someone or something can spur me to any sort of ambitious action. I'm a lifelong slacker- a "just enough" kind of person. Further effort just seems unnecessary and possibly wasteful.

Plus, I like writing and the whole Twitter thing is fun, but it's kind of like- you don't stop eating real macaroni and cheese just because you can get a single serve made in the microwave. I think it's a valid mode of communication, but is certainly not sufficient.

So, we'll see how hard I have to work to find something to say every day. I'm not really sure how this whole motivation thing works- or self-discipline. Part of the reason I'm not the best teacher is because discipline is just a sort of foreign concept for me. Like money having intrinsic value. Like eating mashed potatoes. I just don't get it.

I guess I wonder when it might be that I'll be a grownup. I feel like I haven't started really living my life yet- like I'm still a kid. I suppose the first step is admitting you have a problem. Hi, my name is Dale, and I'm addicted to being in a state of arrested development where I want none of the responsibilities of being an adult and none of the limitations of being a child. Apparently, I don't get to do this forever. What a freaking bummer.

I suppose that I could do a reward system for meeting my goals. Or maybe learn to be ambitious. Is it learned? Are people inherently ambitious? Is there a career where my removed nature would be encouraged or at least tolerated? Can my inability to take most things seriously ever be an asset?

I'm pretty sure that I could write a book that would have the opposite effect of the Who Moved My Cheese? and the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People kinds of books. Like it would make everyone just want to sit around and chat and possibly take a nap or play some board games. Businesses would go bankrupt within days. But there would probably be fewer arguments.

Well, Day 1 is successful. I actually had thought about wanting to do this earlier this morning. While I was taking my evening shower, I found myself considering putting off starting it until tomorrow. The first day of this experiment and I was already procrastinating.

This is not going to be easy.