Why I'm a Darwinist

Two posts in one day... aren't you some lucky readers.

So with all this time sitting at my apartment alone being sick all week and stood up tonight, it gives me some time to reflect. When I was done with that, I read a Glamour magazine. There was an article written by some actor about plastic surgery and how he had tried to date women that had had it and he couldn't. You know, wondering what they are hiding or what else they don't like about themselves. Blah blah blah.

On to my next distraction- L.A. Ink on TLC. I like Miami Ink better, for the record- I think Kat Von D is as annoying as fuck. But I digress. This woman is getting a tattoo for her son. He's adopted and she was talking about her struggle to get pregnant and how she didn't understand why it was happening to her and that it was natural to have a baby. And I kind of thought... maybe it's not. Maybe it's not natural for every woman to be a baby-maker.

I thought then about boys (as I am wont to do)... I met aforementioned V-Day Stand Up Guy on the infamous internet. And I was wondering why I felt weird about meeting someone that way. And it occurred to me that all these things might be kind of related.

It's the artificial nature of it. The forced-ness. It's inorganic. The body you have, its capabilities, and the interactions of life- do you just let them happen, or do you, in the words of Tim Gunn, "make it work?" I'd rather just let it happen. Whether you believe in God or fate or none of the above, I just kind of think that there is something to be said for letting the world develop on its own. There's a big long quote by Max something or other- Ehrmann? Anyway... in the midst of the quote it says that whether it is apparent to you now, the universe IS unfolding as it should. And it resonated with me.

So, I guess all that organic loveliness, those flowery quotes and my rambling thoughts come down to one thing. Put down the Botox, adopt a needy child, and meet some guy at the grocery store, or however you want to do it, but live authentically.

Evolution- it's not just for monkeys anymore!

What NOT to wear

It's Valentine's Day, 2008. I got stood up. I have an amazing ability to get dumped/stood up/etc on holidays/birthdays.

I was relieved this past December when I was single- finally a birthday with no fear of getting dumped. I have been dumped three times within a week of my birthday- including once on my actual birthday. Last year, I was dumped exactly one week later. Happy holidays!

I suppose it's not a huge deal- we've only been on a few dates. But the thing that probably bothers me more than anything- there's a quote- maybe Oscar Wilde? Can't remember... but the gist is that the only thing worse than being talked about is NOT being talked about. Kind of like... I'd rather be hated, yelled at, whatever, than ignored. And being stood up is just that.

(Let's all assume right now that he's not in the hospital or dead- if he is, I'll give you an update).

Back to my point- I wrote a poem when I was in college (didn't we all? Ugh) about it being better that some guy I liked made fun of me than if he ignored me- because at least he's acknowledging my existence on the planet. Nothing is so detrimental to self-esteem than the complete disregard for your being.

No worries- I'm not bitter... not a knee-jerk reaction to getting stood up on the official Hallmark holiday (or is that Sweetest Day?). I still love men and will continue to do so. But, it doesn't do much for my reticence to put myself out there and display my heart on my sleeve. Not my style, and tonight, it seems like it was just the thing NOT to wear.