It's only 9:30, so I cannot promise I will be at my most brilliant. I am not a morning person. But we'll give it a go.
So I've been considering why women have such issues with self-esteem. And not just the body image bullshit, but genuinely thinking they aren't cool enough or funny enough or smart enough or generally awesome enough to deserve being treated really well. I don't mean just by men, either. Women treat other women like crap, and feel like they deserve to be treated crappy as well. I can't tell you how many of my female friends are surprised when I make every effort to be a good friend to them (I try to be a good friend to my male friends as well). Why would you be surprised that I will help you move, or drive you to pick up your car after it gets towed, or give you a pep talk after a bad day? That's what friends are supposed to do. Women have such low self-esteem that they don't even truly believe they deserve love from their friends, much less potential suitors.
I'm not sure where my high self-esteem came from (and that's not saying I don't have my faults and insecurities- I'm just confident in them). I have a couple guesses- I could just be totally narcissistic. My other option is that while my parents didn't necessarily tell me I was God's gift to the planet, they did always support my decisions. whether it be getting a tattoo or going to grad school. Having someone tell you that your ideas are great all the time (even the ones which turn out to be epic failures) does bolster the self-confidence. These guesses are not mutually exclusive, by the way. I could very well be a narcissist with emboldening parents (the two together makes a lot of sense, actually).
I realize I'm not the cutest girl or the skinniest girl (although I do have a body dysmorphic disorder I call anti-rexia: I think I'm skinnier than I am). I'm not the smartest or the funniest (although I would wager to guess I am in the top 5). But when it comes down to how you treat people and how you let them treat you, it is in the confidence and the self-esteem. I behave as though I am totally awesome, and it becomes reality. I try to improve myself (with varying results), and I'm happy about the progress I have made. I try to be a good friend, and I definitely have more work to do, but I do my best. I deserve it. And so do you.
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Postscript:
I am reminded of an excerpt from a commencement speech given by- I think Bill Cosby, but maybe Oprah (Oprah says all wise things). Paraphrased, it said: someday, you will have an idea. You will go to someone and say I have a great idea. They will say, no it's not. Go back to your cube. And the question becomes: who do you believe?
Peace out, kids
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2 comments:
this is so funny b/c i feel the exact same way. i somehow missed the female insecurity gene and i think i am the shit, and also like you tend to think that i look better than i actually do. (actual quote from me: "i loved moving to cincinnati b/c i am the best looking person here!")
re: the friend thing, i also agree. i actually have a situation going on right now where a lot of this stuff is going on... it's too much to write about right now but i completely hear you. i really think a lot of girls do not know how to be good friends to each other b/c they are so wrapped up in their own insecurities. not all though.
anyway i love your blog! we should hang out again soon. oh yeah this is liz from holly's party.
You are the coolest chick I've EVER picked up in a bar! And, yes, water seeks its own level :) My free advice? Oh, so glad you asked: You need to do more of this. Do what you love and love what you do and everything else will fall into place.
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