I love boys. They are pretty much my favorite thing. If I don't have some crush, I will find one. I need someone to daydream about, because otherwise I might end up thinking about less fun things like my future or my bills. My junior year of college (and maybe my sophomore year too), I had an entire wall of my dorm room papered with pages from the Abercrombie & Fitch catalog. Come to think of it... I should do something like that again. I liked it.
I am also a major flirt. Flirting, to me, isn't so much a sexual thing as it is a relational thing. Being friendly. Flattery (as long as it's genuine). Making people feel good about themselves. Flirting isn't something I do as a matter of courtship but as a matter of interpersonal communication. Because it's not par for the course, people get confused with me wanton flirting. Men (and women) think I'm flirting in a wooing way instead of a friendly way. They think I'm interested in them beyond being friends. But I'm not.
In college, a (male) friend told me that guys were afraid to ask me out because nobody knew who I was actually interested in because I flirted with everyone. I'm thinking that's not such a bad thing. Even the guys I did like, I never liked them enough to get too broken up over any one of them. I like to refer to them as crudites on my platter. Maybe the celery looks a little brown, so I grab a red pepper. Someone else loves broccoli- they are welcome to it.
The problem comes when the object of my disinterest becomes convinced that I am in love. Trust me, even the most obsessive of crushes fades as easily as it blooms. I lose interest like a kid with ADD in algebra class. But there is no telling the person that they aren't the object of my affection. Hell, I can't even tell them there is NO object of my affection. Ergo, I lose friends that think I'm love when I'm merely a gushy, flirty, boy-crazy silly girl.
When one of these folk do convince themselves that I am the one monitoring their comings and goings via Google Earth, I'm tempted to throw myself at them- ironically, of course. But since I'm not a hipster, I'm afraid it will go over their head. It would be fun though.
I was in love once. It totally sucked in every way, but I'm not opposed to giving it a go at some point. Before the love and after, though... boys were something to keep me amused and still are. So, apologies, but:
I'm just not that into you.
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2 comments:
Hi! I stumbled across your blog and I jumped to this post in your archive because I am kind of an amateur student of the psychology of relationships. About a C- student at that.
At any rate, my question to you is...at what point are friends, (and many of us confuse friends with aquaintances, after all how many TRUE friends do we really have?) and family not fulfilling enough? As humans and members of the animal kingdom, aren't we really meant to ultimately be with someone as a bonded pair?
Derek
Derek, thanks for reading.
I think there are converging factors on whether we are meant to be in a bonded pair. It's really more a part of civilized society to be in monogamous relationships than it is an essential part of evolution.
I definitely think that there is value in a relationship. I think spending your life with a person with whom you are in love makes life better. But I'm okay with taking some time to get there.
You might like my post on monogamy.
Sorry for the delay in reply. I got a job and it's kept me busy.
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