age ain't nothing but a number

Isn't it mad creepy that Aaliyah's first album was called that- given that it was produced by R. Kelly? And the rumors that they got married when she was 15? And then the later child pornography charges against Kelly? Age apparently is only a number for R. But I digress.

It is one week short of my 30th birthday. I'm pretty excited about it- because I've always been excited about my birthday. I think I make a big deal about it because it's smack dab between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and 3 days after my father's. If I didn't make a big deal about it, no one would.

In this era of Sex and the City and cougar-mania, they say that 40 is the new 20. Which I guess means I'm kind of turning 10. I'm okay with that. I certainly don't feel like a grown-up yet. People laugh when I say that I'm excited about turning 30 because I'm hoping to become less dumb. But I'm serious- I acknowledge my ignorance and I welcome opportunities to do something about it. We're all dumb about a lot of stuff (in the same line, we are all smart about a lot of stuff too). The sooner you realize it, the better.

I guess I could say that my life now isn't what I pictured for life at 30. But the truth is, I never really pictured my life at 30. Or 40. Or 25. Or 65. Whatever. I'm not a future-focused person. Nor am I a past-focused person. It's all about the present and what is fun and good and soul-satisfying right now. When I was about 8 or 9, I used to lay awake at night and obsess over my future- not details, but my own mortality. Heavy stuff for a 3rd grader, so since then I just don't think about it. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, and I'm not necessarily certain that there is one thing that I will be happy to do my whole life. On par with other 30-year-olds, I might be behind the curve. I'm not a "YP." I have a master's degree that is useful only in having something to fill that frame I bought. I still like to go out and dance until 3am on a Wednesday night. I hate waking up early. I hate wearing suits. I have no desire to get married any time soon, and I'm not sure kids will ever be in my future. I don't wanna grow up. I'm not a Toys 'R' Us kid, either. I am perfectly happy suspended in this state of arrested development. And some guy guessed my age as 23 the other day, so I can probably rock this boat a bit longer.

I'm not stressed about turning 30. It's presumptuous to say, but I'm fairly certain 40, 50, et al will be okay too. It is just a number, and as long as I stay a late bloomer, I'm sure it will be all the easier to bear.

Closing in on 30, but not maturity.